The Weekly Squeak Signs Off For Another Year

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Entertainment News
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Ike Turner pimp slapped his last hoe yesterday at the age of 76.
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Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire?

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As the US government is planning to spend another 70 million dollars toward the 2 Trillion dollar goal for the war in Iraq, I find myself formulating yet another list of things that are a much better buy for a Trillion dollars.

1. Instead of spending a Trillion on a war aimed at gaining access to limited natural resources, why not spend a Trillion dollars on the research to find alternatives that are unlimited. Cold Fusion? Safe Nuclear? Affordable Ethanol? Powerful Solar? Even something stupid sounding that was inspired by Star Trek would be better.

2. Adopt a poor country. Use a Trillion dollars to develop a wasteland like Ethiopia and declare it the third wealthiest nation behind Switzerland and the US. If done right, we could guilt trip wealthier European nations into adopting needy countries as well.

3. Cover the carbon offset fines that Americans are likely going to be responsible to pay for by not giving up their ridiculously huge, carbon emitting, gas hogging SUV’s.

4. Completely overhaul the prison system which is apparently a total failure at rehabilitating criminals.

5. Build a fifty foot high wall between the US and Mexico, and call it ‘The Great Wall of Chico’. On the side facing Mexico we should paint the Spanish translation of; “Go around to the front door. It’s next to the big statue of the woman holding the torch.”
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Comentary

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I think I will make it my personal goal this Christmas Season to avoid watching the movie “A Christmas Story” at all costs.

I Just Sneezed And These Came Out

The $100 Laptop?

I just figured out what really seems odd about the “One Laptop Per Child’s” mission to distribute the donated $100 laptops to children in poor countries…duh!...they aren’t edible. See, the problem isn’t that these kids live in mud covered huts with no running water and scant food supplies; it’s that they live in towns with NO ELECTRICITY! So what the heck are these kids gonna do with some stupid hunk of plastic? The best I can figure is they can use it to spread more mud on their hut.

2008 Election Prediction

Every voter in this country can try to elect somebody other than Huckabee for President, but Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick them all out of the polls if they try.

Did I Call It Or What?

The retard that lives in the White House totally f**cked up last weeks Nuclear Summit in Annapolis. Since Iran was already claiming to be Nuke-Free, telling the Iranian President to come clean was basically just calling him a filthy liar. So instead of diffusing the Iranians desire to Nuke America, he took the opportunity to insult them and give them even more reason.

Everybody Can Just Suck My Wii-Wii

I am sooooooo tired of everyone talking about those stupid Wii game consoles. And what is the deal with game console makers never making enough to go around at Christmas time? Do you know how many kids are gonna forgo getting that game console later in the year because a competitor has made the next big thing by then? They are just screwing themselves out of profits by trying to stretch Christmas past the month of December.

If You Can't Say Anything Nice... Post It On A Blog

The Mideast Un-Peace Talks
Well, today is the day. What day is that you ask? The day that the retard that lives in the White House is going to totally f**k up the Mideast peace talks in Annapolis MD. He's apparently already started by not exerting the authority of his mediator role to keep the different sides from spouting out their opinions before the talks have even begun. This could potentially be the beginning of the "End of the World"


You Call That A Soccer Riot...

Those teens in France must be really pissed off. The have been rioting in the streets for several days now. They are shooting at cops and torching cop cars. It looks like total Anarchy.

Arbitrary Obituary
I am not sure what to think of the death of Quiet Riot singer Kevin DuBrow. On the one hand it's sad that he died and the band will never make a come back. But on the other hand it's like; Wow he actually lived to the age of 52!
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Dumb A** Of The Week
OK, so there's this guy who is complaining about getting in a wreck with a Cincinnati Police Officer despite the fact that he could clearly see that the officer was in a high speed pursuit. His claim is, and I am not making this up, is that the Police should not have been chasing those drug dealers. What the F**K? We find the one Cincinnati Police officer that's actually doing his job instead of loafing around playing video games, or harassing teenagers for running invisible stop signs and this guy wants to sue him.

All The News That's Fit To Blog

Field Of Dreams

Well kids. I guess I would be wrong if I didn't begin this weeks blog with a tribute to one of the finest people to ever call Cincinnati his home. I am of course referring to "The Ol' Lefthander", Mr. Joe Nuxhall. For anyone like me who has grown up in the queen city, it's impossible to imagine a Reds season without Joe as one of their announcers. And rightly so. Who else can claim to have started with the Reds at the age of 15, and then be apart of the team for more than 60 years! Not only did Joe love the Reds, but he loved Cincinnati, and I know I am not alone in saying that Cincinnati loved him. Make sure to check out http://hofjoe.com/ for information on getting him voted into the MLB Hall Of Fame. Goodbye Joe, it's time for you to round third and head for home.

Thanksgiving

A few years ago I wrote a series of Limericks for each holiday of the year and gave them to my wife who loves both everything Irish, and everything Holiday. So here is the one I wrote for Thanksgiving.

What if the pilgrims were Irish?

What if the pilgrims were Irish,

and not English Puritan Separatist?
How would it be,

back in history,

if Thanksgiving was started by the Celtics?

The ship that would have left from the dock

would not be the 'Mayflower', but the 'Shamrock'.

Irish whiskey in stow

to drink as they go

before stumbling onto shore at Plymouth Rock.

The Indian teachings of corn would be slow,

because every true Irishman knows.

That you will find,

at harvest time,

that The Irish can only grow potatoes.

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When the Indians and Settlers would sit down to eat,

the Thanksgiving meal would be different than in History.

Not the cornucopia,

from the region,

but Blood Pudding and strong Irish Whiskey.

Today when we have our Thanksgiving,

we would not be eating a Turkey.

if you took a look,

at what we'd cook,

it would be a Boxty with a side of Cracker Wheats.

Dumb A$$ of The Week

What's the deal with this Plastic Surgeon Jan Adams going on Larry King if he isn't going to talk about the death of Kanye West's mother? What the heck else is the guy going to talk about with Larry King? The Weather? He should have at least made a statement that it wasn't his fault. What a Dumb A$$.

A Better Reason To Impeach A President Than For Receiving A Blow Job

In the continuing effort to make themselves look like total retards, The Bush administration has seemingly ignored the most recent claims that Iran now has 3000 centrifuges for enriching Uranium for no other logical reason except to produce nuclear weapons. The excuse for not responding is based on Iran's recent claim of utilizing the enriched Uranium for a reactor that can provide an alternative source of fuel. This is a surprising thing to do considering that not only is Iran practicly floating on an ocean of crude oil, but Iran has also claimed in the past to be interested in nuclear weapons for attacking America.

I have said it before and I will say it again; the U.S. needs to withdrawl all of it's fire power from Iraq where there is no international threat and focus it on Iran.

The Cult Of Irrationality

There is this church from Topeka, Kansas called the Westboro Baptist Church, or WBC for short. They are led by this guy Fred Phelps who is supposed to be a reverend, but I just can’t bring myself to refer to this guy as a man of the cloth. He just doesn’t exhibit the manner and decorum of anyone I would call a Christian. Fred and his deranged followers have created a website called God Hates Fags.com, and as the name suggests, it is basically a way for them to bash gays and make it look like the Godly thing to do. But seriously, I don’t really mind the gay bashing part of the website. It’s the fact that they associate themselves with Christians that I don’t like.

This church has also shown up in the news over the last few years as they have traveled to different areas of the country to picket the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq. And why do they this? Because they think war is wrong? Nope they do it because they think homosexuality is wrong. Yea, I know. I don’t really get it either. So I actually sent them a serious e-mail asking if they could help me understand. It literally said: “I don’t understand. How is the picketing of funerals of dead soldiers associated with the government’s tolerance of homosexuals?”

So after waiting a couple of weeks, I decided to send them a second e-mail just in case something mysterious happened to the first one. Just as I hit the send button, I noticed that I had inadvertently used the word “fags” this time instead of the word “homosexuals”.

Now I don’t know if that had anything to do with the quick response, but it did seem odd to get a reply the very same day. Unfortunately, the reply made no effort to connect dead soldiers and homosexuality. So I still don't get it.

Here is the explanation I got along with my commentary for each point:

We picket the funerals of soldiers to warn the people who are still living that unless they repent, they will likewise perish.
I’m sorry; I just don’t get the repent or die message from signs that say thank God for dead soldiers.

When people go to funerals, they have thoughts of mortality, heaven, hell, eternity, etc., on their minds which is the perfect time to warn them of things to come.
Well unless they are bent over the coffin ready to take a big hard one up the butt, I don’t see how telling funeral goers that “god hates fags” can possibly prepare them for things to come. Besides, that would actually be preparing them for ‘things to cum’.

Is it mean, hateful, uncompassionate, etc.?
Do these dumb ass people seriously not know the answer to that?

I'm sure it is, according to your standards.
As well as to the standards of the entire rest of the world that believes in showing respect for people who have suffered a loss. The WBC disgusts me.

However, according to my standards, it would be infinitely more mean, hateful, uncompassionate, etc., to keep my mouth shut and not warn you that you, too, will soon have to face God.
It would be mean not to warn people, but don’t you think there are much better places to berate people than at a funeral? Like maybe a Neo-Nazi rally.

Good King Josiah "brake down the houses of the sodomites, that [were] by the house of the LORD, where the women wove hangings for the grove." II Kings 23:7. "And as Josiah turned himself, he spied the sepulchres that [were] there in the mount, and sent, and took the bones out of the sepulchres, and burned [them] upon the altar, and polluted it, according to the word of the LORD which the man of God proclaimed, who proclaimed these words." II Kings 23:16. After Josiah does these things, does God say "Josiah, how can you do such a thing? How can you be so hateful and disrespectful of the dead? What about the poor mourning families of these dead bones?" No! God says "And like unto him was there no king before him, that turned to the LORD with all his heart, and with all his soul, and with all his might, according to all the law of Moses; neither after him arose there [any] like him." II Kings 23:25. God calls him the greatest king ever! What WBC does, in merely picketing funerals, is nothing compared to digging up the dead bodies and burning them!
Of course being the nit picker I am, I wondered what the missing verses in this collection of verses said. As I suspected, the ommited stuff gave the passage a different meaning. The meaning of the passage changed from God sanctioning the desecration of tombs to God sanctioning the destruction of cultic religions, such as the WBC.

Finally, Here is how much respect Jesus had for the funeral of an unrighteous man: "Jesus said unto him, let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God". Luke 9:60. Jesus commanded a man, whose father had just died, to NOT EVEN GO MOURN AT THE FUNERAL AND BURY HIM, but rather preach the kingdom of God. Hypocrites in this modern era, who think they are smarter than Christ, would open their mouths in amazement at Christ's lack of respect for a poor mourning man whose father had just died.
There they go changing the meaning of scripture again. This passage doesn’t say anything about the man being unrighteous. In fact, I think Max Lucado addressed the meaning of this parable of Jesus telling a man to not worry about his earthly father as a way of explaining that mankind still has God as a Heavenly Father.

Dang, Even A College Graduate Can't Afford College

For yet another year, the cost of college tuition has risen more than the cost of inflation. That means tuition cost rose faster than peoples ability to pay for college.

There is no way a bachelors degree can be worth the cost these days. If you consider that recently tuition, fees, books, and room & board are going to cost students these days about $25,000 per year. And with most colleges fixing it so students end up having to go 5 years before they get all of their credits to graduate. That’s a grand total of $125,000 for an education. That’s more than the mortgage loan I took out for my house!

Now granted, the interest rate for college loans is better than a mortgage, but not that much better. Since there is no down payment for a student loan, that means you are financing the entire cost. When you first get a job right out of college, you don’t get that great of salary because you don’t have any experience. So the most you can spare above living expenses is maybe $100 per week. At a fixed 5% rate (because the 2% that banks offer has impossible stipulations attached to it), it would take another 45 years to pay the bank back. By comparison my wife, who graduated in like 1994, only needed like $50/month for 20 years. So if I am figuring this out right, if students today graduate at say 25 years old, then they are stuck making a “second mortgage” payment each month until they’re 70 years old!

Yea, yea, I know that an education is a good thing to have, but I just don’t think it’s worth being under the thumb of the bank for 45 years and $246,000 just for a 4 year degree. If I had a bachelors degree, I could make maybe $10,000 per year more than I do now which is $7500 after taxes. So in the same 45 year span of time, I can make $337,500 more than I do with no degree. Subtracting the $246,000 that I owe the bank from this extra income, I would end up with a grand total of $91,500 more in my pocket over those 45 years. That only works out to $169 per week. I could use an extra $169/week, but not If I gotta pay $100/week to a bank to get that extra salary.

I think it’s time to stop pushing your kids to be doctors or lawyers and start pushing them to learn skilled trades like plumbers or mechanics.

If The Scribble Is A Joke, I Totally Get It

When the above political cartoon made its trip around the internet, I thought it was the most prolific and thought provoking thing I had seen in a long time. I loved the cartoon so much, and the “copycat” cartoons made by people who wanted the same attention, that I posted them on my old blog at MSN Spaces. There is no way anyone could say the original cartoons purpose was meant to piss people off, but that’s how people ended up treating the whole situation.

Recently the above “copycat” cartoon was submitted not as a political cartoon, but of all things, artistic expression. No joke! The Swedish guy that scribbled this piece of crap, Lars Vilks, actually calls it Art. If he called it a political cartoon, I might be able to stretch my mind enough to agree with any political message, but to call it art just totally ruins any credibility for the guy’s sanity. And as you can imagine, the Hajji’s are all rioting in the street and threatening to kill the guy. Apparently there is a bounty on the guy’s head of like 50 thousand bucks with an additional 25 thousand dollars if the killer slits his throat as if he is a sacrificial animal.

Did you know that this is not the first offensive scribble Lars has referred to as Art? He apparently made one some time back that depicted Jesus as a pedophile. I have looked seemingly everywhere for that scribble, but have come up completely empty. How could that Jesus cartoon seemingly fall off the face of the earth when it took me every bit of about 2 seconds to find all the Muhammad cartoons? Well let me tell you how that can be. All the Christians of the world didn’t riot in the streets and threaten to kill the guy. So the scribble just faded away into nothingness. “poof”

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When are the Hajji’s gonna realize that it’s their dumb ass reaction to the cartoons that spawns the creation of more of them.

A Word from Old Man Andy

Are we raising a generation of Americans that are complete Wussys? I got stuck behind a junior high school bus on the way to work this morning. This wouldn’t have been a problem except that the bus almost literally stopped at the end of every single driveway. Are you telling me these wussy kids can’t even walk to the freakin’ corner to get on the bus? How lazy do kids have to be today if they can’t even walk any farther than the end of their driveway. When I was a little kid, I walked four blocks everyday to elementary school. Now granted, this isn’t exactly ten miles through the snow going up hill both ways, but to a five year old this is pretty far.

Kids today are way too tied up in video games. When I was a kid I remember my friends and I would stay out riding our bikes all day. Our parents had to make us come in from outside. Nowadays kids sit on their lazy butts all day playing video games.

It isn’t just the laziness I see in kids today either. These kids are getting no real social interaction while sitting at home playing video games or not congregating at the corner bus stop. They don't learn how to deal with problems in the real world. Kids today can’t just solve life’s problems by hitting the reset button on their game console. So when they are confronted with a real problem, like bullying, they become totally wussified. Then there seems to be this way of dealing with real life problems that is eerily similar to the virtual game play found in many first person shooter games. Yea, I know, for the ten kids that have launched these armed assaults on their schoolmates there are hundreds of millions that haven’t. But from what I gather, they at least consider it at some point.

Well, I guess that's about all I got to say about that.

Airstrike on Iraq

The military brass have finally called in an air strike. Hallelujah! Amen! It's about freakin' time! Now all they gotta do is step up the air strikes to cover the whole country. Similar to the way that Operation Desert Storm secured victory for the troops during The Gulf War.

War! Good God! What is it good for?

The Marines let my cousin Chad come home from Iraq two weeks ago to get a break from the war. I had sort of hoped that he would tell us about the good things that are being accomplished over there, like possibly things that the media ignores because it isn’t as exciting to cover as insurgent attacks and roadside bombings. But that just didn’t happen. Instead he told me things that merely supported everything I have read about the war. Apparently, The Marines can do little more than just “be” targets for insurgents due to some really retarded rules of engagement they have to follow. They spend their days building up sand bag guard posts, dodging land mines/roadside bombs, and ducking for cover from the bullets of “ghost gunmen”. Occasionally some suspicious “hajji” (his really cool term for a towel head) will make their day by putting himself in a situation where he can be caught with contraband that they can confiscate. It sounds like the entire war is nothing more than unproductive operations that accomplish little more than providing a miserable way of life for the US Soldiers involved. I just can’t see any other point to this war than the political reason of “backing out too early” that killed Bush Seniors chance for re-election back in 1992.

Say What!?

According to an article in fox news, a world language dies out about every 2 weeks. So that means every year there are 26 different virtually unknown languages that are "phased" out. Since there are an estimated 7000 languages around the world, it would only take an estimated 270 years for all the languages in the world to dwindle down to one planetary language. Hmm, I wonder what that language would be. Who we kidding? it will probably be the most common and fastest spreading language in the world today, Spanish.

Isn't there something in the book of Revelations about the people during the 1000 years of reign having the same currency and speaking the same language. Ah mi Dios (Oh my God) that means that Christ will be a beaner. Mierda santa (Holy crap) that also means that Satan is ruling the world now. Aye, aye, aye.

Oh well, who cares? I am probably wrong anyways.

Would The REAL Bin Laden Please Step Forward?

Well, if nobody else is going to ask the question, then I guess I will. Who the heck is the guy in that Al-Qaida video that was released the other day? It sure as heck isn’t the Osama Bin Laden that Al-Qaida claims it is. I mean seriously, besides the fact that both are middle eastern men with long beards, they are completely different physically. Look at the shape of the eyes. Look at the spacing of the eyes in relation to the nose. Look at the size of the nose in relation to the whole face. Look at the width of the mouth in relation to the width of the face. Look at the ears in relation to the eyes. These are all things that can’t be changed by packing on some extra pounds and using some Grecian Formula. There is no way anyone can tell me that these are pictures of the same person.

So if the guy in the video isn’t Bin Laden, then why not? Is Bin Laden dead? That would also explain why the US military has been unable to find him. His remains could be lying inside an inconspicuous burial tomb. Of course there is also the possibility that he isn’t even in that part of the world anymore, but Al-Qaida wants the US to think he is with this video of the world’s worst Bin Laden decoy. However, the most likely answer is that Bin Laden is so frail and sickly from all the running and possible injuries sustained from being chased out of caves that the film makers didn’t think the actual Bin Laden would be able to portray himself as a strong leader.

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But seriously, I am still waiting for somebody to come forward and admit that the video is some You Tube prank.

We've Out Stayed Our Welcome In Iraq

What’s the big deal about needing an exit strategy in Iraq? Regardless of whether the troops stay amidst suicide bombings and insurgent attacks to attempt to impart a democratic way of life, or if they pack up and leave it all behind, there is going to be the same results. The place will be a hell hole filled with angry towel heads shooting at each other, and blowing themselves and everything up. But since so many people seem to think we need an exit strategy yet nobody has even tried to provide one, I would like to offer to the Pentagon “My Kick Ass Exit Strategy”.

Step 1
Withdraw troops from the area farthest into the country and immediately send bomber planes over the area to annihilate the place.

Step 2
Redeploy the troops from step 1 to the next nearest area of fighting to relieve the troops there.

Step 3
Redeploy the relieved troops from step 2 to the next nearest area of fighting to relieve those troops.

Step 4
Repeat steps 2 and 3 until the last group of relieved troops have nowhere else to go except home.

Step 5
Repeat steps 1 through 4 until there are no more places for the bomber planes to annihilate and the last group of troops has gone home.

Step 6
With all Americans back home safely, launch aggressive bombing raids in Iran and North Korea to annihilate those entire countries in order to derail their eminent attacks on us.

Step 7
Return Osama Bin Laden’s threat about converting to Islam to end the Iraq War and change it to the requirement of all Islamics to convert to Judaism in order to prevent the annihilation of all their countries.

Step 8
Inevitably, we will have to annihilate the entire middle east with more aggressive bombing raids.

Step 9
Enjoy living in a towel head-free world as we flip the bird to the Nobel Peace Prize judges.

Dumb A** Alert

Every so often there is someone in the news that is such an incredible dumb a** that I feel it is my Christian duty and moral obligation to warn everyone else about that person. This weeks dumb a** is Judge John Burlew of the Hamilton County Court system. In a court hearing for Odell Thurman's probation violations, he was quoted as saying; "It upsets me more than anything else and, primarily with your employer, the National Football League. The allegations are that you had an illegal substance, alcohol, in your body. A substance they advertise and take money from, millions of dollars a year. They're hypocrites. If they are really interested in pursuing this issue, they'd give everybody who went to that stadium and comes out of it a breathalyzer, but they won't do it because they want the money."

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First of all, this statement has more grammatical errors than I have room in this blog to point out.

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Second, is he claiming that the NFL shouldn't have suspended Odell Thurman for alcohol in his system because football stadiums advertise for alc0holic beverage companies? What a complete dumb a**! They didn't suspend him for legal situation of an adult just merely having alcohol in his system; they suspended him for the illegal activity of driving with alcohol in his system. Shouldn't a judge know the difference? More importantly, the NFL doesn't make a cent from the advertisement of Alcoholic Beverages. The advertising dollars are given to the Stadium owners for the ad space, and television networks for the ad time.
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And lastly, how can this dumb a** think that the NFL should be responsible for every single person who picks up a beer in a stadium. They are not in the business of enforcing laws; they are in the business of providing sports entertainment. Need I even point out the logistical impossibility of giving every football stadium attendee a breathalyzer test?

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It really scares me to think that this dumb a** has control over the destiny of people in a court room.

Dumb A** Headlines

That’s right kids! It’s time once again for a collection of headlines from or about the dumb a** people connected with internet news. The amazing part is; these are just from this morning’s news!

Bush will invoke Vietnam in support of Iraq plans
He does know that we lost the Vietnam War doesn’t he? Wouldn’t it be better to reference a war we won like maybe WWII? I think it’s safe to say that George Bush is with out argument, the biggest dumb a** in American history.

US Dismisses Iran nuclear Cooperation
What part of, “We will not discontinue our nuclear development”, did these dumb a** diplomats not understand?

Iran trying distraction
Really, because it looks to me like they are succeeding at distracting and redirecting the goals of the Nuclear Commission.

Systemic failure before 9/11
You gotta be kidding me. Is there anyone who didn’t know on 9/12 that defense, intelligence, and security systems in this country failed to prevent hijackers from flying commercial jetliners into tall buildings?

White House wants subpoena delayed
Delayed? Trust me; they don’t want that subpoena at all. Seriously, who would “want” a subpoena?

Heavy damage in hurricane hit Yucatan state capital
What do you expect? It just got hit by the 3rd largest hurricane in recorded history.

Outrage over topless car wash raising cash

Seriously folks, is cash the thing that was raised that people are getting their panties in a wad over?

Israel or Palestine? Make up yor mind!

In further efforts to make themselves look like total retards, the Bush administration has decided to spend $80 million to train the Palestinian guard. Why would they decide to support the Palestinians after deciding last week to increase the amount of aid money that gets sent to the Israeli army. Do these retards actually not realize that Israel and Palestine are enemies?

How Would You Like A Belly Full Of Lead?

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Why are people so surprised at the inferior toys that were being imported from china? Isn’t that what was asked of the Chinese? The CEO traitors of American companies screwed the American workforce out of their jobs and then told the Chinese to send over cheap, crappy, inferior, and apparently dangerous substitutes for the same products. The Chinese workers did nothing more then exactly what they were told to do. Unfortunately, the CEO’s behind the operations that ended with the lead poisoning of American children will never be held accountable for these crimes either. I refer to the lead poisoning of children as the second crime because their first crime was their turncoat traitor acts that took away American jobs.

What pitcher "gave" him 756?

I gotta say; I totally didn't see this coming. I thought for sure that everone in MLB hated Barry Bonds so much for cheating with steroids and enhancers that pitchers would never throw him anything within six feet of the plate at this point in the home run race. That's pretty much what happened the last 2 years, so I just figured it would continue into a third year. Oh well, what do I know about Major League Baseball?

On Top Of The World

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This is probably one of the most interesting news stories I have seen recently, and for some reason there seems to be no real interest in it from most news sources.

Russian submarines are literally on top of the world this week in an attempt to sail under the vast arctic ice shelf in order to place a flag on the ocean floor over the northern hemisphere’s rotational center, the Geographical North Pole. This very dangerous mission is a clear attempt by the Russians to stake claim in this Arctic territory. And why not? There is a ton of untapped natural resources down there. The problem is that Russia is not all that close to the North Pole region that they are claiming as their own. It is much closer to Greenland and Canada than it is to Russia. You’ve got to hand it to the Russians because this “exploration mission” is not only pissing off the Arctic bordering countries, but also the International Seabed Authority, and the geographical surveying people who think this will lead to countries staking claim in other areas of the ocean floor. And anyone who can piss off more than one group of people at one time deserves my respect.

I think the US should stake claim in the ocean floor bordering Mexico to sort of return the favor for all the illegal immigration crap we take from them. Americans could encroach on Mexican territory for a change.

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Personally, I think it’s OK for the Russians to plant a flag at the North Pole as long as that flag has a representation of Santa Claus on it.

Dear God, Please Save Us From That Man

In the never ending effort to make themselves look like total retards, leaders in Washington approved the sale of arms to Saudi Arabia. If I recall correctly, the US sold arms to both Iraq and Afghanistan. Weapons were sold to Iraq during their war with Iran, and they were also sold to Afghanistan when the Soviet Union began occupation of the country. And what did that get us? You got it! Now we are at war with both countries at the same time!

The list of ways that the retard in the White House has screwed up relations with the world, screwed up the American economy, and screwed up the security of America with mid-east deals, just keeps growing.

AATOTW: Revisited

I can't seem to think of anything good to write about this week. In order to continue the weekly posts, I decided to post an entry from my previous blog page. This is the first Arpeggio Andy's Thought of the Week (AATOTW) from that page.

When asked about cameras being utilized by Homeland Security I thought:

I miss The Cold War.

Life was so much better when our only real enemies were in the USSR. The Russians stayed in their country and we stayed in ours. We had an agreement, if they didn't nuke us, then we wouldn't nuke them. And besides, the Cold War spawned some really cool military aircraft.

Now we have enemies that live IN America and have access to everything that Americans have access to, like airlines, ryder trucks, chemicals that can be made explosive, tall buildings, you get the picture. Since the Islamics and the ‘Islamic influenced Muslims’ are difficult to distinguish from the 'regular Muslims’. And because we can't just force all of them out of the country because that would be an international crime against the 'regular Muslims’. And because the Islamics and the ‘Islamic influenced Muslims’ never stop wanting death to all Americans through some screwed up religious beliefs. We have no choice but to step up national security to a higher level than what many, including me, are comfortable with.

I think the only thing we can do is wave to all the cameras.

Just a Game

How stupid can the Cincinnati Reds upper management be? Didn’t they learn from the 90’s era Bengals that firing a coach mid season does not fix a crappy record and will only put the new coach in a situation where failure is the most likely outcome? That’s not even to mention how it can mess up the players. Nothing throws them out of whack more than having to do things the way that one manager coaches before the all-star break, and differently after. Whoo-Hoo! Way to make the Reds season even crappier than it was!

Fictional Journalism

According to MSNBC, Israeli Troops killed 8 Palestinians in Gaza yesterday. According to USA Today, Israeli Troops killed 10 Palestinians in Gaza yesterday. According to CNN, Israeli Troops killed 11 Palestinians in Gaza yesterday. According to Reuters, Israeli Troops killed 12 Palestinians in Gaza yesterday. And According to the New York Times, Israeli Troops killed 13 Palestinians in Gaza yesterday. So, which is it?

According to USA Today, it was a scaled back attack. According to MSNBC, it was the bloodiest fighting in the area so far. And of course Reuters just reprinted what the MSNBC guy wrote. If it weren’t for the same date, and some specific names in all of them, they wouldn’t even appear to be the same event.

Are these news people just making this crap up? If the story is true then one, or maybe all of them, are lying to some degree. The thing about these stories is, they are about an event that happened so far away that none of their readers can actually verify the story. So basically they could just make up whatever they want. And I am starting to think that they are.

You would think these guys would check with each other before printing stuff so their stories can at least look like valid accounts of an event.

Just Plain Wrong!

It seems like everyday since the war in Iraq began that I have read a news headline about Humvee mounted US Soldiers being killed by roadside attacks.

Did you know that there is a such a vehicle that can protect US Troops from both land mines, and roadside attacks? I didn't either. It's called the Cougar Mine Resistant, Ambushing Protecting 4X4. Did you also know that the military has only just now decided to supply these to the troops in Iraq?

So let me get this straight. The military could have sent these to Iraq in 2001, but didn't see anything wrong with Soldiers being killed as a result of the inferior vehicles they have to use to patrol Iraq? That is just wrong!

I guess that's what happens when you put an organization with such little regard for human life in charge of our sons and daughters.

How To Pull A Global Warming Solution Out Of Thin Air

In a previous post, I had stated how stupid it was to say that carbon offsets can fight global warming when the presence of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is extremely small while the presence of water vapor is extremely high. According to that logic, it would be necessary for people to instead seek out water vapor offsets. As of recently there had been absolutely no practical way to offset the water vapor that is put into the air through evaporation. The closest thing there has ever been to removing water from the sky was a practice called “seeding” the clouds, but this was just some dust bowl era gimmick to swindle money from desperate farmers.

Recently, a pair of researchers developed a relatively efficient way to condense water vapor back into liquid form. Their invention is called the WatAir fresh water system, and this 10 foot wide inverted pyramid shaped funnel can remove dozens of liters of vaporized water from the atmosphere everyday. It is an ingenious invention that utilizes the natural tendency of water vapor to condense when it reaches a temperature referred to as the dew point. And what’s funny is, these people don’t give a rats butt about global warming. They designed this as a way to bring fresh water to underdeveloped countries. The secondary use of the WatAir for reducing the most abundant greenhouse gas from the atmosphere has not even been realized yet, and probably never will because politicians aren’t being paid by special interest groups to push for water vapor offsets.

The Squeaky Wheel's Lament

Is anyone else tired of hearing about the violence in the Middle East? I looked at the 54 headlines I get on my homepage from 12 different news sources and counted 24 of them that are referring to the violence in the Middle East. That means almost half of the news I receive is about towel heads I really don’t want to know about, doing things with explosives strapped to themselves that I don’t want to know about, in God forbidden and nearly inhospitable places that I don’t want to know anything about, for some bootleg god named Allah that I could totally care less about. And the worst of all is the news of American soldiers dying for reasons that Washington hasn’t really disclosed. I mean in the beginning they said it was to find weapons of mass destruction, but if that’s the reason they are still going with, then those retards in Washington need to realize that they are in the wrong country. THE NUKES ARE IN IRAN!

So basically the news these days SUCKS! Or at least that’s how I see it.

Life Imitates Shtick Comedy

This has to be the funniest news story I’ve heard in a long time. Or at least it turned out to be since the guy didn’t get hurt or anything. Basically what happened is, this guy in a wheel chair was crossing a 2 lane highway at a cross walk when his wheel chair got stuck in the grill of a semi truck as the traffic light turned green. The guy apparently rode for countless miles on the front of the semi before the police pulled the driver over.




In another news story where life imitates shtick comedy, actor Rob Lowe hit a golf ball during a celebrity golf tournament in Iowa. The golf ball then struck a bird that was in mid-flight. As it turned out, the bird was a rare Goldfinch that was immediately identified by locals as the Iowa state bird.

I just think it’s really funny because I have seen both of these incidents in movies before.

A Public Service Announcement

Hey Kids! I will be gone for the next 2 weeks, so there won't be any Weekly Squeak's for you to read!

But you can check out Andy's Weird Warped World in the mean time!

Lest Ye Be Judged

Jerry Falwell died this afternoon in Virginia. I couldn't help but to immediately wonder if God will judge him as harshly as he judged gays, lesbians, feminists, the ACLU, the PFAW, anti-apartheid activists, Bill Clinton, John McCain, the Scientific community, the teletubbies, democrats, AIDS patients, and pretty much everyone who isn't Southern Baptist.

Don't get me wrong. I don't support most of those groups either. Especially those darn teletubbies, they are the downfall of our society. I just never liked the way he talked down to those groups. He was a very condescending person when viewed in the public eye. I always thought it was funny how that "Reverend" was more concerned with chastising non-Christians than with showing them a righteous path.

I know I should say nice things about someone recently deceased, but that is just not the way I view the guy. As a member of a Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) church, I have always hated our affiliation with Jerry Falwell. The guy was a complete weeny. The bigoted comments and belief in segregation of that weeny has totally tainted the image of the SBC and many people look at us different as a result. The beliefs of Jerry Falwell have ruined church pastors who have been run out of churchs after finding that actual christians don't mind worshipping alongside of blacks. In fact our last pastor was one of those guys. The worst part is, I have heard people say that they are not acceptable enough to go to church because they were looked down upon by condescending "Christians" like Jerry Falwell.

I would say, "The world is better off without him", but that would be more judgment on a person than I would want on myself from God.

And God said; "Let they be B-atch's"

Every so often, I encounter somebody who is such an incredible dumb a** that I consider it my Christian duty and moral obligation to point this person out.




Meet Jeff Johnson. This guy actually believes that Southern Churches and Civil Rights activists are as sexist as rap and hip-hop artists. HOLY CRAP! What a dumb a**! This pervert obviously thinks that Rosa Parks hiked up her skirt at the bus stop and did “the clap” before getting on the bus. Apparently the only history books he has ever read are previously jacked on issues of Playboy. He also thinks that Pastors of Southern Churches preach about serving God by pimpin’ out your b-atch’s and ho’s. At his church they apparently pass crack pipes instead of offering plates. The only people stupid enough to print the crap he writes is CNN.com.

Dumb A** Headlines

Why Ebola is Killing Gorillas
I may be going out on a limb here, but I’m guessing that Ebola is killing gorillas because it’s a deadly flesh eating virus.

How the US Plans To Tackle Iran
Does it matter what they wrote in the article. The retard in the White House will probably handle Iran as badly as Iraq.

War in Iraq Troubled
Is there a trouble free way to run a war? Is there any dumb a** in the country that doesn’t know about the car bombing and political troubles in Iraq?

L.A. Tops List of Most Polluted Cities
Of course dumb a**, that’s why L.A. is used as the stereotypic example of uncontrolled smog?

Relocating Gets Tougher When Home Sales are Slow
I would think this would be readily evident, but apparently it isn’t to this journalist.

Bush Likely to Veto Iraq Proposal
This wouldn’t be so dumb a** if Bush wasn’t quoted last week as vowing to automatically veto everything.

Castro Absent From May Day Celebrations
Is it really a surprise that a dying man recovering from intestinal surgery would stay home? Besides, the guy is like 80 years old. A celebration to him could be completely comprised of drinking a glass of Metamucil and watching an episode of Matlock.

Brittany Spears Bares All
Unless she’s hiding an Illegal Mexican in her cooter, I think we’ve seen all there is.

Serial Killer Convicted of Murder
Well, they’re sure as heck not gonna give ‘em the Nobel Prize.

The Trillion Dollar Question

Why is America on track to spend 2 Trillion dollars on the effort to turn Iraq into a civilized country? Why spend that kind of money on the Muslims that hates us anyway? If there needed to be a war to avenge 9/11 then why didn’t we just spend 200 Billion dollars on leveling the place with every B52 we can throw at them? I say we should have tore the country down and then let them rebuild it. I don’t mean to sound cheap, or that money is more important than the soldiers risking their lives, but seriously, we are talking Trillions of dollars here people. There are a trillion ways to spend that kind of jack. And every one of them is a lot more worthwhile than just dumping it into Iraq. And here is my list of just a few of the ways to spend 1 Trillion dollars.

End World Hunger for 50 years. That’s right folks. At the current rate of 20 billion per year. 1 Trillion dollars can end World Hunger for the next half century. I would rather be known as "the President who spent a trillion dollars to end World Hunger” than “The retard who squandered a trillion dollars on the world’s largest liter box”.

Eliminate Cancer. Or at least put in 200 years worth of effort.

Eliminate diseases affecting the world. Or at least put 2000 times the money toward it than what is currently spent on eliminating AIDS.

Establish mining operations on a stabile asteroid. At the current rate of consumption, in a mere 200 years, the world’s coal supply will be totally depleted. If an inefficiently built space station can be built with 50 billion dollars, then we can definitely set things up to start tapping other extra-earthly sources of coal with 20 times that amount.

And my personal favorite:

Give everyone in the entire world a U.S. 1 hundred dollar bill. A trillion dollars would cover the cost to distribute the bills as well. Everyone in THE WORLD WOULD BE MY BEST FRIEND if I gave them $100.

The Global Warming Joke

I probably shouldn’t do this, but I am going to ruin all the fun for the politicians and lobbyist that want you to literally buy into the whole global warming concept. I really truly think that they are snorting through their noses laughing at the fact that people actually believe that the world is warmer because of something that little insignificant humans have done. They are probably making more jokes about next time telling everyone that human flatulence is snuffing out the sun.

Today there are politicians and lobbyist that are promoting global warming for the same reasons that politicians and lobbyist in the 90’s were promoting low flow toilets. All they want to do is sell you stuff that you don’t need. Yesterday it was big tin can tanks as nuclear bomb shelters, today it’s carbon offsets to fight global warming. What will it be tomorrow?

Here’s the deal. Water Vapor does the same thing as carbon dioxide when it comes to the greenhouse effect. Carbon Dioxide makes up only .04% of the Earths atmosphere while Water Vapor makes up 90% of the Earths atmosphere. Therefore, claiming that a reduction in carbon dioxide will fix global warming is like claiming that you can put out the wild forest fires out west by merely taking a leak on one tree.

In the very same way that the light metal structure of most 1960’s era bomb shelters was useless against radiation, reduction of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere is useless in stopping global warming.

So why is the average temperature of the Earth rising? For the same reason that Ice Ages occurred in the past. Because that’s how the Earth works. It spins on it’s axis in a way that sometimes puts it farther from the sun which causes Ice Ages, and now we are finding out that it sometimes moves closer to cause what we might call “Fire Ages”.

So stop letting those turds in Washington get the last laugh. Flush ‘em down. If you got one of those low flow toilets, you might have to flush 3 or 4 times.

Journalistic Lies

Yes, there's lots!

I regretfully have to correct the below post due to the incorrect facts found at either CNN.com or nytimes.com or msnbc.com or npr.com. I can't remember which one, and can't find it in the history, but it's definetly one of them.

I noted that the gunman had only been living in the US for 9 months. Now it is being reported by pretty much everyone that he has been living here since 1992. Living here for 15 years makes a big difference in the argument for hm being a terrorist and threatening national security.

Clearly someone at the website in question decided to make up what they thought was a believable story in hopes that they could scoop everyone else. It's a real sleazeball tactic, but I have noticing it more and more.

Hazed and Construed

Out of respect for the families of those killed or injured at Virginia Tech, I would like to preface this week’s squeak by saying that my prayers go out to them.

To everyone else I have to ask; what’s wrong with this picture? There is something very odd about the whole thing. I don’t just mean that it’s strange that the administrators were surprised despite the fact that bomb threats were made last week, or the fact that eyewitnesses identified the gunman as Asian. The whole story in general just seems very strange and I can’t put my finger on what it is.

I can’t seem to get past the fact that he was only in the US for 9 months. I would think there would be some concern over national security being threatened by foreign students in the US, but for some reason nobody’s brought that up. Is that what seems out of place?

I also can’t seem to get past the “drama” between the gunman and his ex-girlfriend. It seems that if he committed the first shooting out of anger of his ex-girlfriend, then there would be no reason for the second shooting. That just isn’t consistent with domestic violence. Usually the violence stops when the people are no longer around each other. Is it the single gunman theory that bothers me?

It’s like there is something just below the surface that we are not immediately seeing.

The Link between Racism and Stupidity

Case #1

The other day I was at Best Buy looking at video cameras and I had a question about one of them. For some odd reason, there were no salesmen in sight. This is strange because as a white nerdy guy, I usually can't get rid of the salesmen in an electronics store. While I was waiting, I started listening in on the conversation of a Black family in the same area (something my wife has started teaching me how to do). They were soon going on vacation and really wanted to buy this specific camera. After a while, the family went to another part of the store, but in the same movement of people, a Middle Eastern family entered the camera department. I couldn't understand what they were saying, but I would assume from the circumstances that they also wanted to buy a camera. I really wanted to make good use of my camera buying trip so I even out waited the Middle Easterners. No sooner than they had gone, not one, not two, but three salesmen came out of the proverbial woodwork and headed very quickly in my direction. Now I don't want to make accusations, but it did seem very strange that they specifically waited for the Blacks and Middle Easterners to leave. The bad part is, I ended up not buying the camera. The two families seemed ready to buy one now, and that would have been easy money for the salesmen. That was just plain stupid on their part.

Case #2
A Cincinnati Area Neo-Nazi group is planning to march through what is essentially an all black neighborhood called ‘Over the Rhine’ carrying signs that say; “Join the Nazi’s”. Apparently they are too stupid to realize that they are not going to successfully recruit anyone from there. More importantly, they are way out numbered by violent black supremacist in that neighborhood. How stupid can these guys be?

Case #3
The other day, well known radio host Don Imus actually referred to a college women’s basketball team as “nappy headed ho’s” Apparently this numb nut thinks Black people don’t listen to the radio. The bosses of MSNBC and CBS radio are even more stupid (and possibly racist) for believing Imus when he said that he didn’t know that the term would be considered offensive because they only suspended him instead of firing him.

Case #4
A large group of Iraqi citizens are resisting the aid of the US military in cities that are threatened by terrorists. These Shiite racists are so stupid that they would actually give up food, clean water, medicine, and all civilized life for no other reason than to prevent their Sunni neighbors from having those same things. What’s even more stupid is they are all Muslim. Their racist activities are the equivalent of a Southern Baptist church sending a suicide bomber to an American Baptist church down the street. The level of stupidity from racism in the Middle East is just astounding.

In all four of these cases, racism is influencing these retards to make stupid decisions. The people in these cases developed racist beliefs from absolutely ridiculous teachings such as Blacks are monkeys that walk upright, and Sunni’s are 2 legged camels. There is such a low level of intellect required for these beliefs that it can only be deductively reasoned that one who is racist is also stupid.

"Back in Black"

Hello readers. (assuming I get those here)

I'm Arpeggio Andy, formerly of MSN Spaces.

It's good to be back in the blogosphere after being forced out of MSN Spaces by the turds they refer to as "webmasters". These pusses are so lame that they didn't even have the nuts to tell me to my face (or at least e-mail) that they wanted me to leave. All they did was fix things so I couldn't edit the Space anymore.

To anyone who actually stopped by this blog: Hang with me, the entries do get alot better. And most importantly, thanks for your time.