Technological Solution to Stupidity

I read an article yesterday about how best to deal with elderly people when they become too old to drive a car safely. The article itself wasn’t that big a deal, but the comments that people posted at the end of the article were. The commentary’s I read laid the blame of bad driving on everyone from teenagers to drunk drivers, as well as the elderly.

This got me to thinking. How many times in my entire life have I had a close call on the road because of an elderly person? I would say…maybe…5 times. What about drunk drivers? Maybe 5 times as well, but I don’t drive at a late hour very often. What about teenagers? I can’t really remember the last time I had a problem with driving as a result of the driver being a teen, but then again I don’t have kids.

So then I asked myself, how many times have I had a problem with somebody texting while driving? I immediately thought of like 10 instances from the last couple of days. So apparently, the highway safety people should forget everything else for now and fix this texting while driving thing before it gets way too far out of hand. And there have already been some efforts to do so. Unfortunately, PSA’s with dorky announcers don’t help, and police officers have no real way to enforce the laws that ban texting and driving.

Enter Arpeggio Andy, a man with an idea for a technological solution. I call it: The Automatic Off Button. It is a small transmitter hidden in all the electronics of a new car. This transmitter sends out a cell signal that is compatible with all cell phones, that has a broadcast radius big enough to encompass the interior of the car, and has the ability to turn off any cell phone internally. Thus, all cell phones will be rendered unusable inside the car while the engine is running. Hook, line, sinker…DONE!

We've Out Stayed Our Welcome In Iraq

What’s the big deal about needing an exit strategy in Iraq? Regardless of whether the troops stay amidst suicide bombings and insurgent attacks to attempt to impart a democratic way of life, or if they pack up and leave it all behind, there is going to be the same results. The place will be a hell hole filled with angry towel heads shooting at each other, and blowing themselves and everything up. But since so many people seem to think we need an exit strategy yet nobody has even tried to provide one, I would like to offer to the Pentagon “My Kick Ass Exit Strategy”.

Step 1
Withdraw troops from the area farthest into the country and immediately send bomber planes over the area to annihilate the place.

Step 2
Redeploy the troops from step 1 to the next nearest area of fighting to relieve the troops there.

Step 3
Redeploy the relieved troops from step 2 to the next nearest area of fighting to relieve those troops.

Step 4
Repeat steps 2 and 3 until the last group of relieved troops have nowhere else to go except home.

Step 5
Repeat steps 1 through 4 until there are no more places for the bomber planes to annihilate and the last group of troops has gone home.

Step 6
With all Americans back home safely, launch aggressive bombing raids in Iran and North Korea to annihilate those entire countries in order to derail their eminent attacks on us.

Step 7
Return Osama Bin Laden’s threat about converting to Islam to end the Iraq War and change it to the requirement of all Islamics to convert to Judaism in order to prevent the annihilation of all their countries.

Step 8
Inevitably, we will have to annihilate the entire middle east with more aggressive bombing raids.

Step 9
Enjoy living in a towel head-free world as we flip the bird to the Nobel Peace Prize judges.

The Trillion Dollar Question

Why is America on track to spend 2 Trillion dollars on the effort to turn Iraq into a civilized country? Why spend that kind of money on the Muslims that hates us anyway? If there needed to be a war to avenge 9/11 then why didn’t we just spend 200 Billion dollars on leveling the place with every B52 we can throw at them? I say we should have tore the country down and then let them rebuild it. I don’t mean to sound cheap, or that money is more important than the soldiers risking their lives, but seriously, we are talking Trillions of dollars here people. There are a trillion ways to spend that kind of jack. And every one of them is a lot more worthwhile than just dumping it into Iraq. And here is my list of just a few of the ways to spend 1 Trillion dollars.

End World Hunger for 50 years. That’s right folks. At the current rate of 20 billion per year. 1 Trillion dollars can end World Hunger for the next half century. I would rather be known as "the President who spent a trillion dollars to end World Hunger” than “The retard who squandered a trillion dollars on the world’s largest liter box”.

Eliminate Cancer. Or at least put in 200 years worth of effort.

Eliminate diseases affecting the world. Or at least put 2000 times the money toward it than what is currently spent on eliminating AIDS.

Establish mining operations on a stabile asteroid. At the current rate of consumption, in a mere 200 years, the world’s coal supply will be totally depleted. If an inefficiently built space station can be built with 50 billion dollars, then we can definitely set things up to start tapping other extra-earthly sources of coal with 20 times that amount.

And my personal favorite:

Give everyone in the entire world a U.S. 1 hundred dollar bill. A trillion dollars would cover the cost to distribute the bills as well. Everyone in THE WORLD WOULD BE MY BEST FRIEND if I gave them $100.