The News In Review

Latest Thoughts On the Election

I am starting to like John McCain's way of doing things. He is more of a shut up and do what needs to be done kind of a guy. Whereas Mitt Romney is the kind of guy who just throws a bunch of money at a situation in hopes that it will take care of everything. The case in point: Romney spent 10 times the money on campaign ads, but McCain put in the time making calls and meeting with important people. I think that's how he won the Florida Primary. I am now absolutely sure that McCain should be president because "The Governator" traveled back in time from the future to endorse McCain as a way to save mankind from ultimate destruction.
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Brittany Spears In A Mental Hospital

Why does this not seem surprising to me? Oh, that's right! She shaved off her hair, ran over a reporter with her car, and thought K-Fed had singing talent. We already knew she was looney tunes way before the ambulance came and took her away.
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Are You Sure That Sofisticated State-Of-The-Art Plane Came From The US Military?

U.S. Intelligence is denying an attack on Pakistan despite the fact that the explosions in question were the result of bombs dropped by a couple of billion dollar pilot-less Predator aircraft. The Pentagon is also denying the bombing despite the fact that the bombs just happen to have landed on an Al Qaeda base. Who knows, maybe it was one of the other free western countries wealthy enough to afford a Predater Drone. Seriously, how do we know the Swiss didn't do it?

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The Sky Is Falling

An ailing U.S. spy satellite, that is falling out of orbit after losing a communication link, is now ironically expected to be a threat to North America. Contingency plans are currently being drawn up to deal with the problem as the large satellite is expected to have a sizeable impact and to disperse a toxic chemcal called hydrazine. While Scientist hope the spacecraft lands in a mostly unpopulated area, FEMA just hopes the dang thing doesn't land in New Orleans.

Count Down

As a service to all Americans I will regulary post this count down clock to encourage everyone to hang tight because the worst president in US history is almost out of the White House.

The Weekly Squeak 2008 Campaign Special Part-1

Lets Start by looking at the Republican delegates because let’s face it, I am actually about 70% Republican and 30% Democrat. By the way, I am 0% Bush administration, but if you have read this before then you already knew that.

Mike Huckabee:

You gotta like the fact that he’s a man of God. It makes him seem like an honest guy that America can trust. If you don’t know what his position is on issues you can just reference a Bible to figure it out. Even though he has only won one state so far, it’s a “big” state that means a lot in the primaries. And furthermore he’ll get lots of support from the Bible belt states.

John McCain:

How can I turn down a guy who served in Vietnam and survived being a POW for the protection of American freedom? Especially since that military background means he is a very well trained leader. Even though he appears to have too much skin on his face, at least he doesn’t have the Lurch chin of John Kerry. I would be willing to bet the states he has won so far are due to the fact that his perseverance in presidential campaigning is an indicator that he won’t give up as President.

Mitt Romney:

I hate the fact that the guy is a Mormon, but I like the fact that he is backed by Michigan’s working class. Unfortunately, both of those things may be his downfall. Most of the world considers Mormons to be a little screwed in the head, and Detroit just doesn’t have the pull that it once had. Even though he has kind-of a creepy look about him, he still has a chance with his average guy image.

Rudy Giuliani:

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The guy worked miracles in New York when he was mayor, can he do the same for America? My personal answer to that question changes from day to day. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that he has totally ignored every state except Florida up to this point, and I would say he doesn’t have a chance there with the Rev. Huckabee in the same race. Either he is political genius or he’s totally screwing things up. No matter how you look at it, if does win Florida, he will be back in the race.

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Now let’s take a look at the Democratic delegates.

Barrack Obama:

The man seems to be well liked by people, but he just doesn’t come off as a political leader. So why is he doing so well? Even before the Oprahists (the followers of Oprah’s quasi-religion) have joined his side, he was doing well before that. The big story I have heard is that the guy was raised Muslim which would mean that he could have no adherence to America because his loyalty would completely be to Allah and the city of Mecca. I just can’t figure out why the media hasn’t followed up on that particular lead. Clearly he can win at this point, but the question is; would that be best?

John Edwards:

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He was John Kerry’s running mate in 2004, and…well…he was John Kerry’s running mate in 2004. That’s all I got.

Hillary Clinton:

As a man, I think I am required to dislike her as a candidate. She claims to have more experience than Obama, but just merely living in the White House does not qualify you to be running the country. There is a current White House resident that is proving that to be true. I am pretty sure the whole senator job and presidential campaign are not only due to the fact her husband was formerly the President, but also because old slick Willy got caught cheating. Frankly the best thing I could hope about her being president is that she would merely be a puppet controlled by the ex-president. Bill may have been a horn-dog, but he was a good president. The one good thing about her is she is probably the only candidate with balls big enough to deal with the serious foreign affairs issues such as Iran building nuclear weapons and that pesky Iraq war.

My Conclusion:

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Who do I think will win the Presidency? I don’t know. Who do I think should win the Presidency? Ditto, but I am leaning toward McCain. No I ‘m not. I mean I am leaning toward Giuliani. Wait, no, I am probably more for Huckabee. I think, or maybe not. I don’t know.

Slow News Week
Well kids, what can I say? Aside from that story about the Marine guy that killed the Marine girl that he raped, there just hasn’t been that much interesting news to talk about. And even then, what more can I say other than what I did in the sentence above?

Way to Kill the Mystique

In Art History news; historians have positively identified the subject of Leonardo da Vinci’s most famous painting, the Mona Lisa. Her real name was Lisa del Giocondo. Somehow, I find the painting to be less interesting now that the Mona Lisa’s real identity is no longer a mystery.

Primarily Boring

I suppose I could also talk about the presidential campaigns and the Primaries, but I could really care less about the anticipated election ever since Steven Colbert was refused participation in the campaign process. What else am I gonna talk about? Obama’s overwhelming lead (yawn), or Huckabee winning in Iowa (nod head), or Mitt Romney winning in Michigan (snore).

The State of Health Care?
In medical news; the FDA released a warning that cold medicines are dangerous for use on infants. Did they forget that they released the exact same warning a few months ago? Should people with memory this bad be in charge at the FDA? I guess we’ll know they are totally crazy when they release a warning about somebody tampering with bottles of Tylenol.

Personal Commentary

Is it me or are there an unusually large number of news stories these days about teachers having sex with students? Where were these teachers when I was a 13 year old with blue balls?