Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Weekly Squeak Signs Off For Another Year

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Entertainment News
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Ike Turner pimp slapped his last hoe yesterday at the age of 76.
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Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire?
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As the US government is planning to spend another 70 million dollars toward the 2 Trillion dollar goal for the war in Iraq, I find myself formulating yet another list of things that are a much better buy for a Trillion dollars.

1. Instead of spending a Trillion on a war aimed at gaining access to limited natural resources, why not spend a Trillion dollars on the research to find alternatives that are unlimited. Cold Fusion? Safe Nuclear? Affordable Ethanol? Powerful Solar? Even something stupid sounding that was inspired by Star Trek would be better.

2. Adopt a poor country. Use a Trillion dollars to develop a wasteland like Ethiopia and declare it the third wealthiest nation behind Switzerland and the US. If done right, we could guilt trip wealthier European nations into adopting needy countries as well.

3. Cover the carbon offset fines that Americans are likely going to be responsible to pay for by not giving up their ridiculously huge, carbon emitting, gas hogging SUV’s.

4. Completely overhaul the prison system which is apparently a total failure at rehabilitating criminals.

5. Build a fifty foot high wall between the US and Mexico, and call it ‘The Great Wall of Chico’. On the side facing Mexico we should paint the Spanish translation of; “Go around to the front door. It’s next to the big statue of the woman holding the torch.”
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Comentary
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I think I will make it my personal goal this Christmas Season to avoid watching the movie “A Christmas Story” at all costs.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I Just Sneezed And These Came Out


The $100 Laptop?

I just figured out what really seems odd about the “One Laptop Per Child’s” mission to distribute the donated $100 laptops to children in poor countries…duh!...they aren’t edible. See, the problem isn’t that these kids live in mud covered huts with no running water and scant food supplies; it’s that they live in towns with NO ELECTRICITY! So what the heck are these kids gonna do with some stupid hunk of plastic? The best I can figure is they can use it to spread more mud on their hut.





2008 Election Prediction

Every voter in this country can try to elect somebody other than Huckabee for President, but Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick them all out of the polls if they try.




Did I Call It Or What?

The retard that lives in the White House totally f**cked up last weeks Nuclear Summit in Annapolis. Since Iran was already claiming to be Nuke-Free, telling the Iranian President to come clean was basically just calling him a filthy liar. So instead of diffusing the Iranians desire to Nuke America, he took the opportunity to insult them and give them even more reason.




Everybody Can Just Suck My Wii-Wii

I am sooooooo tired of everyone talking about those stupid Wii game consoles. And what is the deal with game console makers never making enough to go around at Christmas time? Do you know how many kids are gonna forgo getting that game console later in the year because a competitor has made the next big thing by then? They are just screwing themselves out of profits by trying to stretch Christmas past the month of December.